The world goes on without you. That is the truth.

If somebody close to you died, if your heart gets broken, if the fire inside you disappeared – the world would still continue to spin.

So we try to busy ourselves with anything that can make us forget. Work, socializing, games, parties, alcohol drugs – anything at all.

We think this is it. This is life. The fast pace of every 24 hours passing by. This is living.

Worrying what to do tomorrow, plans for the next week, arrangements for the upcoming birthdays, budget for the next vacation and on and on and on.


“Have you heard of The Smiths?”, he asked me.

“Never”, I said.

He made a funny face and played one song.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the smell of his aftershave, or maybe the combination of marlboro and soda in the air that made the sudden change in the air.

As I opened my eyes, I felt alive. Not the adrenaline rush of the fast rides nor the tingling sensation of a first touch. No. Not like those. I felt aware.

Unlike most times, my mind wasn’t wandering, not daydreaming, not usually sad of everything I’ve lost, not worrying at all. I. AM. HERE.

Its liberating.

I can see it all – the beat of his fingertips. The lines on his face as he shouts for the chorus. The bed left undone. The sky getting darker. The grey towel on the couch. The half full (or half empty) bottled water oh his table. The goosebumps all around my body as I take it all in.

“They’re good!”, I smiled knowing I discovered something valuable.

I’m alive.

This is living.

I am here.

And I will let my world spin.


Happiness and The Lost Puppy

Happiness walked happily, despite the Genie’s absence – the only person that could make her happy.


“Everyone is relying on my happiness,” Happiness thought. “I should not be sad”, even if her heart is shattering.


A tiny bark could be heard once in a while but Happiness thought nothing of it. Now that she thinks about it, the tiny barks has been there even since the Genie was still around.


Happiness looked around, something Happiness never did before. Behind her, wagging its tail, is a little white puppy.


“Hello?”, Happiness waved. “Have you been following me?”


The little puppy happily wagged its tail with much gusto. Unlike the other beings Happiness met, this one is different. Her heart skipped a beat.


“You’re not tagging along anymore. You have to leave me too”, Happiness whispered.


The little white puppy whimpered and walked towards Happiness. Happiness sat down and hugged him.


“Its okay, I’m used to it. I hope you can find your way back”, Happiness smiled with tears streaming down her face.


The little white puppy licked her face that made Happiness giggled. “I will be okay”, she said.


Happiness hugged the little white puppy until he disappeared. Happiness stayed this way for a moment, her mind and her heart heavy.


After a while, Happiness stood up and walked happily.


“Everyone is relying on my happiness,” Happiness thought. “I should not be sad”, even if her heart is shattering.

Day 3: Thank You for the Rain

It has been raining since the day I saw you inside that box. I heard a lot of people complaining on the difficulty to commute and if there’s a storm to be raining this often.

But the rain helped me a lot of times before. To feel calm, to slow down, to embrace whatever it is that I need to feel.

And I like to think you made it rain on these days to help me cope up. You made me remember all our rainy days together, sharing one umbrella – my arms around your waist and you half hugging me.

You always bring your umbrella but you’re “too lazy” to use it. So I have to walk with you until the jeepney stop so you won’t get wet. Every hug before you go I realize you’re just making some sort of excuse to have longer time with me. Or maybe I’m overthinking things.

I’m thankful of our rainy days before and feeling nostalgic of the rainy days these past days.

I miss you so much and there’s nothing I can do but hide my tears under my umbrella.



Day 2: Right Words at the Right Time

While waiting for a jeepney ride, I asked you to tell me anything interesting, that I was bored.

And you always knew the right things to say to make me laugh. You smiled and said, “Grabe ang laki ng boobs ni Tsunade (from Naruto) noh?”, and touched your chest to have a good measure. Hahaha.

You never fail to make everyone around you happy. Goodnight, Floyde.


Day 1: A New Phobia

I can’t remember when and how I developed my fear of dead people. For a solid horror junkie, I can’t stand to be in one room with a corpse. And you know that.

Hope was the only thing I was holding on to when I received the message. Maybe they were mistaken. Maybe its a cruel joke.

I passed by the spot we last met. Your head on my shoulder, telling me how much you missed me. I laughed and told you I’ll always be here just like the old days.

I can’t help but cry. A little girl saw me and looked concerned. I bowed my head down, maybe they were mistaken.

“Are you ready?”, your cousin asked. It was at this point that I realized I’m no longer afraid of corpses.

As I made my way slowly to the white coffin, I developed a new fear. I’m horribly afraid to look beyond the glass and see your face. Maybe they were mistaken. Or maybe this is a dumb joke.

The first thing I saw was your striped polo, I can’t walk further. Thats your favorite shirt.

Then I saw your thin lips, your long eyelashes, your wide forehead. Hope left me.

I broke down. My tears overflowed. I looked down and look at you again hoping my eyes are tricking me. I closed my eyes hard, pinched myself. Maybe this is a nightmare.

But the hurt inside my heart is real. As real as your body inside that box, looking peaceful.

You told me you’re gonna be busy. I told you its okay, I’ll be here. You can text me or call me when you’re available.

You told me you’ll be busy, you didn’t tell me you’d leave me behind.

Fear of Memories

She felt afraid experiencing new things. Of remembering certain memories. She’s afraid of being happy now and waking up one day remembering one event that will cause pain in her heart.


Comfortable Silence

We do not need words to communicate. You know you meet someone special when you can sit – in our case, lay down -and not mind the silence.

You look at me with those big brown eyes, your head resting on your arm. I look at you lovingly, half of my face buried in the soft pillow. Please stay longer.

I reached for your face, brush your hair, let you close your eyes and feel it, me unblinking. I traced your lips, inhaling your slow breaths. You’re real to me.

You lean closer and kiss my forehead, kissed my cheek, my nose. You reach for my shaking hand and kissed it too. Say you’ll stay.

You reached for my face knowing all too much. A tear comes rolling down and you wiped it away. Don’t be sad, I’m here – is what you’re saying.

You lean in closer, I closed my eyes as our lips touched and the bed becomes lighter. I opened my eyes to see I’m alone again. But you’re not.

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