LeSsOnS oVeR iCe CrEaM…♥

DEFINE LOVE….

madalas na tanong sa atin especially sa mga slumbook..at sa dami na ng nabasa kong mga ganun,nakakatuwang isipin at i-compare ang mga sagot ng ibang tao..

madalas na sagot: Love is like a rosary,full of mystery..Love is like a river that flows forever..Love is in the air<??!!>…at walang kamatayang Love is blind..

but as I lick my favorite ice cream,the idea hit me like “the champ’s” right hand knockout…

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I have this habit with my friend eTnorB..<see her blogs at eTnorB17.wordpress.com>..every wednesday after our classes,nakasanayan na naming pumunta sa marketmarket(taguig).. probably,wednesdays ang aming favorite day of the week..being the bookworms in our own field,we enjoy staying at fully booked,just passing the hours..<which is,btw,located at serendra,across marketmarket>..at ang pagbabasa ng libro ay isang hiwaga para sa amin,totally a gift from above ..<and i sound really nerdy..>..minsan nga naiisip namin,nagnanakaw kami ng kaalaman  sa bookstore,kasi wala naman kaming ginawa kundi pumasok dun,pumili ng isang katerbang libro,umupo at palipasin ang oras..

well,back to the topic,..after hours of reading in the bookstore,lalabas na kami at automatic na papasok ang aming mga paa sa mini stop..<teden!!>..

“isa nga pong queen cone ice cream,mix..”..mga salitang namumutawi sa aming mga bibig..mga phrases na ilang araw ko ding inantay para lumabas sa aking mga labi..punong-puno ng kagalakan at pasasalamat..sa wakas,matitikman ko na ulit ang masarap na hershe’ys dark chocolate with matching vanilla in a crunchy,crispy,queen cone..<oh yeeaaahhh!!>

“ahmm..wait na lang poh kayo 10 mins..malambot pa poh eh..”..T_T..epal naman si kuyang bakla,nagmo-moment na ako eh..

pumayag naman kami,syempre isang linggo din namin aantayin ulit yung ganung pagkakataon taz hahayaan lang namin na lumampas sa amin..no way!!..ayun nag-anatay kami..at the end,successful naman..hehe..

ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun ako,wala akong pakialam sa mga taong nasa paligid ko..<natural na sakin yun>..i mean,kapag kumakain ako ng ice cream,walang pwedeng manggulo..kahit may masagasaan sa harap ko,o may humihila na sa paa ko at humihingi ng tulong,o may dumaang artista na super cute..i..don’t..care…seriously..walang pwedeng mangialam..may sarili akong mundo,hayaan niyo muna ako.ice cream is like a small glimpse of heaven for me..so please leave me alone…

while eating my ice cream yesterday<kasi thursday ngaun>..that idea about love hit me..

think about this..

Love is like ice cream,everyone loves it,everyone wants a taste of it..but after the ice cream has left you,you feel sad again..the spirit of ice cream has gone..

Lupet noh??hehe..pero totoo..lalo sa mga kabataan..akala nila ang pag-ibig,ganyan ganyan lang..akala nila puro happy endings,puro fairy tale,laging may prince at may white horse,knight in shining armour, before the struck of midnight..lahat yun..puro akala..

pero pag bigo na..wala na..dun lang sila magigising na hindi pala totoo yun..

HELLO????!!!!,..kaya nga fairy tale eh..at kaya nga may “once upon a time”..ibig sabihin,long ago..hindi na naa-apply sa tunay na mundo lalo na sa modern world..wala nang puting kabayo sa syudad,baliw ka kung bibili ka ng sapatos na todo sa hills tapos maluwag naman pla sayo,at tatakbo ka sa super habang hagdan.,ang past midnight shift sa call centers graveyard shift,pera….wala ng dragon,dahil mas malupit na ang pumalit,..corruption,poverty,reccession at sandamakmak na crime..

easy..hindi ako galit..i’m just glad that i knew all of this things in my early age..<matagal na,ngayon ko lang naalala na pwede ko pla i-blog..^^,>..let me share my fair part of the story..

all my life <without a doubt i give you…hehe..kumanta ba??>,,ok serious..

sa buong buhay ko..<tinagalog lang eh..>,,nabuhay ako sa kalungkutan,pain and suffering..<i’m not exagerrating,i’m a virgo if you mind>..wala na sa akin yung hindi ako pansinin ng isang kaibigan o mawalan ng sumthing<kahit pera> in my everyday life..kahit gaano ka emotional pa,i let it be..anu pang sakit ang mararamdaman mo kung buong buhay mo yun at yun na lang ang naramdaman mo db??i mean,sanayan lang talaga..

in short,i live my life with 2 major feelings to keep me going on..LOVE AND HATRED..yes..love and hatred…not just love for the opposite sex <i know i’m weird pero naranasan ko na rin nmn yun kahit papano>,but also love to others..and hatred,the major feeling that keeps me going..kapag feeling ko hindi ko na kaya,maganda ring sa mga ganung time napapadaan yung taong sumira ng buhay ko,at matagal ko ng ipinangako sa sarili ko na balang araw,siguraduhin niyang patay na siya..kung hindi,magapapaunahan kami ni kamatayan..at ang isang pinakamalupit na kaaway ko na hindi ko matalo-talo,..sarili ko..oo,myself..the greatest opponent in my life..

ang layo na ng narating ko ah..going on..

happiness is like God’s little,tiny suprises and cute awards in my life..parang His way of saying..”oh,anak,masyado kang exhausted sa buhay mo ah.eto,ice cream ka muna..”<ice cream=happiness>..^^,

this year,2009,mas maraming ,mabibigat na problema ang sumalubong sa akin,.by february,hindi ko na kaya..konti na lang susuko na ako..and then he came..<oo,tweettweet na naman..>..ilang beses ko na rin sinabi na kung hindi siya dumating sa point na yun,malamang wala na ako ngayon..sa sobrang bigat ng problema,siya lang yung ice cream ko nun..he made me stop cutting myself for losing some things i wish i could have again..

and of course,he made me happy..well,i thought at that moment,happiness would last forever..<which is a foolish thing to say>..kung ibang tao siguro,matutuwa.sasabihin pa nila..”ay,,siya na nga!!andito na ang sasagip sa akin..yipee!!!”…but forgive me,i didn’t feel that way..

totoo,nagpapasalamat ako’t dumating siya,,actually i am very thakful  God  let me meet him at that point in my life..but that certain feeling,like it would go on forever,,it never made me feel happy..in fact,it made me feel scared..frightened..

yeah,i know you think i am totally weird..<and i don’t care if all of the people in the wolrd would think that way coz i believe that i am weird..and there’s nothing wrong with it..>..pero i’m just stating my point of view..i enjoy the great imagination but i also look for the realities in life..i mean,wake up!!…happiness don’t last that long!!..if you are in that situation or a certain relationship where you think na ang tagal na pero ang saya mo pa rin,damn,that’s illusion!!  men,wake up!!..and that exactly frightens me..kung dumating siya para lumigaya ako kahit konti,bakit hanggang ngayon andito pa siya??hindi na yun tama..

and that made me feel like dying..i need to get out of this illusion..i personally and honestly made a plan..a very intelligent plan..bakit??dahil ngayon ko lang naisip na that plan was very successful indeed..imagine,you are fighting in a war.ayaw mong sumuko kasi you know that quitters don’t win.pero sawa ka ng lumaban dahil iniisip moh,kalokohan na toh..get the scenario??

and the perfect answer??let the opponent quit..hindi ka sumuko,pagod ka nang lumaban..pero nagawa mong pasukuin ang kalaban without harming yourself..genuis right??<i know>..pano ko nagawa??let me elaborate..<weeee..this blog excites me..^^,>

april 15,we went to mall of asia..i brought with me my dear diary,full of thoughts and facts about me..may mga poems din na pag binabasa ko paulit ulit..ewan..mixed na eh..and my ever so lovely teddy bear Gabrielle,na nakasama ko in my ups and downs ever since march 2007 when her father <my first love>,gave it to me..anu kinalaman nila??..kasama yun sa plano..<*evil grin*>

syempre,natupad yung isa sa mga matagal ko nang pangarap,sunset with someone..and that very day,while we were on the fountain,i made him really pissed off..pinipilit ko siyang sabihin na hindi na niya ako mahal…and his face were all red,trying to control the anger and dissappointment..<which made me control my bursting laughter..men,kung nakita niyo lang itsura niya..i’m not being rude,cute lang talaga.in a sense na nakakatawa…>

as the sun goes down,ayaw niya talagang sabihin na hindi na niya ako mahal..he even told me..”para dun lang gusto  mo nang matapos lahat??”.. wala na ang araw at lahat-lahat,saka niya sinabing mahal na mahal niya ako..and i felt really awkward and guilty that i didn’t notice the tears rolling in my eyes..oh man,mahal pa talaga niya ako..pa’no toh??..

hindi ako sumuko,,i gave him my diary and my bear in exchange of his notebook..na later on sinulatan ko ng kung ano ano,basta lang may masabi..i know men really hate when girls brag a alot,but i dont..instead,i write a lot..and on the following weeks,i regularly message him..kahit ano.,mababaw,malalim,basta pumasok sa utak ko..

at nung pasukan,di ko siya pinansin..hindi lang dahil sa kasama yun sa plan,also dahil sa problems ko..which i think doubled than what was before..

and just last week,july 15,i finally made him talk it out..he finally said he don’t love me anymore..

and i’m relieved..but not that happy..hindi ko alam..i just understood what i’m feeling last monday..minahal ko pala talaga siya..i’m not saying that i didn’t love him,its just..i love him much more than before..and i’m very relieved that it didn’t come to that point na baka sa sobrang pagamamahal ko,hindi ko na kayang mabuhay kung wala siya..buti na lang naagapan,habang maaga..

what dya think??ansama ko noh??well,sorry if i made you think that way towards me..ganito lang po talaga ako,,i have my own and weirdest ways in handling my problems.. i’m a simple girl,but i am not a normal person..

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he was God’s gift,a dream come true..

he was my little pleasure that makes me scared for having him that long..

he was my little experiment,i took advantage of the fact that he loves me and i did everything to put him down.

he was my karma..karma for lying,karma for being so bad..karma that i used to love..karma that i would always care for,even just a friend..

he was my angel,my knight in brown t-shirt..

he was my happiness,my warm hug,my electrifyng holding hands, my sweet messages..

and finally,,,…..

he was a product of my imagination,just a dream..and so i have to wake myself up..even if it hurts me,maybe it hurts him..but i knew i did the right thing..

goodbye my love,

my angel,

my prince,

my lawliet,

my itachi,

my tweet-tweet,

my darling,

honey,

cupcake,

lollipop..

and everything sweet-sounding words that i don’t know..

fly high and soar above the clouds..

I’ll be here if you’ll need me..

coz in the end..

I.still.care..

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