jUsT mAybE…♥


  babala: hindi ito tulad ng ibang blog na kapupulutan ng aral <daw??!!>.. Isang simpleng blog lang po ito tungkol sa maganda kong panaginip, kaya ngayon pa lang,binabalaan ko na kayo,kung ayaw niyong ma-bored,next blog na lang po basahin niyo.

 * * * * *

     kung gusto mo talaga,kaw bahala…

* * * * *

     hindi ko alam kung bakit ito ang napanaginipan ko.siguro dahil sa sobrang depressed ko dahil sa insidente sa blood donation <read f*ck!n6 $H!t…part 2>

at feeling ko napaka-useless kong tao.pero bigla na lang may sumagip sa akin mula sa mapait na kalungkutan.. <naks!>

* * * * *

      wait lang! may konting etchos muna..mostly,ang mga dreams blurred di ba?? pero ito yung uri ng dream na parang totoo.kitang-kita ko bawat detalye,colored pa. at hindi ko kontrolado ang mga nagyayari,kaya para sa akin,hindi ko ‘toh panaginip. This is my savior’s dream.

   <*ching!*>

 * * * * *

     one thing pa pala,in this dream, hindi ko maitago yung mga totoong nararamdaman ko.it seems like everybody in this dream knows what I truly feel…hindi ko talaga kontrolado..

* * * * *

     back to the topic..maraming pang nangyari bago ang main event. Lagpasan na lang natin ‘yun, baka ma-bored kayo, at medyo mahaba din eh..kei??^^,

* * * * *

     building ng elementary school ko ang venue,madalas kapag doon nagaganap ang ilan sa mga panaginip ko,walang nagyayaring masama.It was my sanctuary,my dream haven…

* * * * *

     There I was, I could see myself talking to him again. we were on the ground floor. I even remember giving him that notebook where I wrote my own ways of saying goodbye. I don’t know what happened for the next thing I knew, I was walking through the stairs.

     <andrama ng entrance noh?? english!! hehe..ok,serious ulet..>

       i picked every piece of paper on my way. <para daw mag pang-siga pag magluluto na>. newspaper, comic books, any paper will do.

      i came to the top most floor of the building where everyone else were sitting and chatting around. <hindi ko alam kung bakit kami nandun, parang, we’re stranded at doon na kami titira, me and the youth of the nation..yeah!!>

      i felt very depressed. <maybe because of the blood incident or maybe due to the recent talk i had with that boy on the ground floor.>

      and there he was. the boy sitting along the school corridor.and it seems automatic, i made my way towards him,i don’t know why. <hindi ko nga kontrolado>

      i sat beside him and we are facing the girls’ restroom. He asked me, “anong gagawin mo dyan??” <referring to the papers in my hand>

     “para may pang-siga pag magluluto na“, i replied. <db? i’m such a weirdo>

     then, i was aghast when he said this,” i saw you were making a move with him..” <referring to the boy on the ground floor>

      i stared at him. <hindi ko maalala mukha niya,but i can still remember those feelings i felt in this dream.> he didn’t say anything and looked away.

reflections: para siyang nasaktan sa pakikipag-usap ko sa lalaki kanina. i don’t really know this guy, yet…i felt very attached to him already..

we noticed a couple giggling sweetly meters away from his side. the boy”s arms were around the girl’s shoulder.

then this guy< c savior> threw this look at me. <parang sinabi niya, sana ganun din tayo>

i understood his message instantly. so i said,”kaw bahala,anything is fine with me.“..<umandar na naman pagiging “play along” ko..>

i was expecting that he wouldn’t do anything since hindi ko naman talaga siya kilala. Suprisingly, he touched the back of my head and brushed my hair. he didn’t remove his hand and seems like he was expecting something in return.

i must admit it.his touch made me close my eyes and i felt so securerd. i took a deep breath and finally laid my head on his houlder. <i can’t help it.>

then, agroup of girls not so far from us stood up and went to the restroom. <na nasa harap lang namin> they, too, knew my feelings for i hear them say “the first move is acceptance“. <it made me smile ‘coz i know i’ve already done that part.>

we were shocked <savior and i> ‘coz those girls did not close the door and we could see whatever they’re doing inside. i even saw some of them cleaning a bathtub.

may bathtub pala tayo??”, i asked.

oo”, he repiled.

pero walang shower??!!“, i said and made a face. But he wasn’t paying attention.he was staring at something…Langya,pag tingin ko sa tinititigan niya, ‘yung babaeng naka t-shirt at naka panty lang. i quickly grab his face so he would look at me. i said,” wag ka tumingin..”

      he said,”she was scratching her butt..”

     bwahaha..that made me giggle. but he was still staring intently at this girl.

i grabbed his face again. “hey! respect the girl!..”this time, i was being serious..<yahryt!>

he stared at the restroom and quickly closed the door befrore i could say anything.

    reflection: man, he was so disiplined. he really turned me on for doing that.

i sweetly smiled and told him, “i’m proud of you…”

he looked at me and our eyes locked.the feeling was so familiar. <parang na-amazed siya at natuwa sa sinabi ko.>

since i felt sensitively electrified, i quickly looked away..

* * * * *

     we were sitting on the stairs.

     “ahmm…nuh nga pala pangalan moh??..”,i smiled.

     “hoo….,” sabi niya.

     “hose??…”

     “hooth…”

     “hugh??…”

     “hoott…”

     “<nosebleed…juk..hehe> paki-spelling na lang....”, letse, bigla ako nabingi,ang hina pa ng boses.

      “H-O-O tapos tatlong letter,di ko pwede sabihin…”,sagot niya.

      “hu??anu yun??”,kulit ko.

      “<sigh>…T-T-T…”,sabi niya.

     “pwede mo namang sabihin lahat yun letter ‘t’..”, daldal ko talaga.  “hoottt? san galing yun??..”

     “sa pangalan ko,accounter..”,

      wahaha…you read it right.yun yung sinabi niya.fiction to the infinity di ba? told you ‘di ko kontrolado.kahit ako ‘di makaka-imbento ng ganung pangalan eh.

  * * * * *

     we were walking along  the corridor. i suddenly climb the window and stand at a plantbox just outside it. <kahit sa ibang panaginip ko sa school na ‘yun, lumalabas ako sa bintana. madalas tumatalon ako. di ko rin alam kung bakit. di naman ako namamatay kasi sakto yung pag-landing ng paa ko sa lupa.> but this time, i just stand up holding at the edge of the window.

reflection: ini-expect ko na pipigilan niya ako  or he would say something like “wag ka tumalon!!” or “ingat ka, baka mahulog ka!…” but no, he was just standing behind me.he believed in me. he greatly trust me not to jump and would not leave him alone.>

i didn’t jump, i took a deep breath and looked down. i saw my legs standing on the edge of the plantbox. inwas wearing  black and red jogging pants and my chuck taylor shoes.

then, i woke up.

* * * * *

     ilang beses kong pinilit makatulog ulit. i was even shouting his name on my head with my eyes closed. pero wala talaga,yun lang kinayang tulog ng biological clock ko.

* * * * *

   in  the end, no matter how stupid it sounds like, yes… i am in love with the boy in my dream. < as he called himself hoottt> i can’t remember his face, his eyes or the style of his hair.i just know that he was wearing a pants <black and not maongh> and a shirt <white or any light colored shirt>

      i love him ‘coz he didn’t care if i still love the boy on the ground floor. i love him ’cause instead of leaving me at that situation like everybody else would, he stayed and showed me that he’s just there., a shoulder to lean on. i love him cause he made me laugh in the middle of depression and he just did the right thing, not to let the temptation get him. i love him coz he believed in me, trusted me and let me grow with him behind me, ready to hold whenever i fall down.

     and i really love him ‘coz he did not say he love me,but showed it in a lot of ways. he somehow knew my rule: “NEVER SAY YOU LOVE ME UNLESS YOU WANT SOMETHING IN RETURN,SHOW IT FIRST..” he let me grow, he didn’tt rush in <unlike other guys>, he didn’t took advantage, he let things heal. he really love me.

* * * * *

     as a person with precognative dreams, this is definitely not ordinary. i know this dream had a mesasge behind it, maybe literally or figuratively.

   or maybe there is really a boy called ” HOOTTT”.

    just maybe…

 

 

 

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