Of course, lahat naman ng tao nagmahal na. And hindi maiiwasang masaktan ka, in the end or on the actual process.. Darating ‘yung time na tapos na lahat ng tuwa at inspiration sa puso mo. Magigising ka sa katotohanang kailangan mong ipagpatuloy ang buhay mo, kahit ayaw mo, nang wala siya.
Its been more than a year. July 15, 2009 when tweet-tweet and I had officially break the string we’ve hold on to. We are not in a relationship, we just had a magical unexpected connection that made us feel that way..
Anyways, from that day on, I honestly tell you that I have not moved on. Mahirap mag-move on kung ‘yung taong mahal mo nakikita mo araw-araw, nakakasama, nakakatinginan, nakakasalubong.
We tried to act as friends but it was so hard that I had to give up. ‘Di na ako nakikipag-communicate sa kanya. I tried a day without actually looking at him. The days became weeks, months, and soon.. a year.
My Lion came along the way. Pareho pa sila ng date na dumating sa buhay ko.. December 15.
I tried to love my Lion. Binigay ko sa kanya lahat ng natirang pagmamahal ko kay tweet-tweet. Lahat ng lambing, pag-aalala, pagkakataon na masabi ko sa kanyang mahal ko siya.
But they’re completely different. Sabi nga, walang dalawang taong magkatulad. May mga bagay na hindi ko magawa sa ibang tao. May lambing na para sa kanya lang talaga..
To cut the story short, I tried to love my Lion as much as I love tweet-tweet. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, magkaiba ang pagmamahal sa kanilang dalawa.
Napamahal na sa akin si Lion, pansin naman sa mga blog ko di ba? I learned to love him as he is. Even if it wasn’t enough.
My love to both of them is not enough..
. . . . .
Then, I woke up one day with this funny feeling.
Kasi usually, tuwing magigising ako, I’ll think of the people I love. Parang to motivate myself na tumayo at mabuhay.. <lalim!> I’ll think of how much I love them.. ‘Yung ganun.
But that day, iba siya. I felt so empty but so happy. Like I could do anything and nothing would bring me down.
Like nothing matters. Just myself.
And I realized, I have moved on. Continuing my life for myself and not for anything else.
They say truth hurts. This is the truth, I have fallen out of love, for both of them.
Siguro tinamad na ako <hehe..> or nagsawa? Ewan ko, bakit ganun?
Basta masaya ako. Bumalik ako sa dati, walang pakialam sa mundo, sa sasabihin ng iba, sa problemang darating. Alam kong kaya ko kung gugustuhin ko..
Sept. 8, 2010. The day before my birthday. I was flying with self-appreciation. I treat myself an old school Mini Stop’s Hershey’s Dark chocolate Ice cream, and finished the book I’m reading.
Sobrang saya ko. I keep on tellingmyself, “Woohooh! You’ve finally moved on!’….. Until the next day..
It was raining, just as I wish. (hehe, yeah! I wished na sana umulan. Ewan ko, trip lang.. ^^,). Then, there he was, sa tapat ng pinto, dala ang basang payong at binabati ako ng “Happy Birthday..”
I was shocked. Una, hindi ko siya actually and personally ininvite. I mean all my classmates are invited, he was a classmate.. But it was my close friend that invited him. Which I overheard that sounds like this..
“<tweet-tweet’s name>, pwede ka daw ba pumunta bukas sa birthday ni <my name>?..”
I was shocked. What’s with DAW? Bakit may ganun pa? Nag-excuse na lang ako at umalis. Walk fast to the comfort room and stayed at a cubicle. What was that? Wah!!
Finally, I went out. Paglabas ng comfort room, along the corridor, he was standing, his back against the wall, as if waiting for someone. As if waiting for me,like old times.
But I walked through. Passed him, ignored him.
Secondly, hindi ko naman talaga akalaing pupunta siya. So I was really shocked… Afterwards, I offerred him food and act like a good host. <though I am clearly not>. He was sweating away and I can’t help to remember the old times when I was sitting beside him and be the one to wipe sweat off his forehead.
Finally, he said his goodbyes.
That whole day, I was shaking. Seryosong na-shock ako. Na-traumatized. Iniwasan ko siya for more than a year then this day came when we actually talked face to face.
But what’s more shocking is that on the following days, nothing really happened. I went on with the same feeling. Clearly moved on.. ^^,