love · personal

Moving on… Part 2

The most beautiful person is the one who have been through very dreadful experiences, got out and learned.

One of the most painful experience is heartbreak. I salute all cadets who fought everyday of their life feeling like dying every moment.

I never thought I would feel this agony. Like having a big hole on your chest, very heavy weight upon you that you have to carry everyday.

I want to share not the pain, but the lesson and ways I have learned. To all who could relate, and for the young ones who do not know what to expect.

He was my second and longest relationship. 1 year, 8 months and 21 days. I gamble my image to be with him. He was popular for cheating. He was one of my best friends. I believed he could change and I let myself be the symbol of that bright chance.

Like in a zombie apocalypse, I am the only one who believed. As time passed, evidences float, excuses made, more secrets buried, all on his side. I showed honesty, communication, faith, and clarity. That all will be alright. That if he really wanted to, he could be what we hope he would be.

But he did not want to change. More chances given, more mistakes made. I waited until he sucked my trust empty. Until there was no more love, just anger, rage.

I was welcomed by warm words once again. Sugar coated words and promises too familiar and too repetitive that I recognized them from first breath of his sentences.

Still I gave him one last chance, leave them behind and we will restart. Excuses, excuses. I had enough.

Break up. Heartbreak. Tears.

And now, for the ways to move on, after you have been cheated..

-CRY. The most sane and normal thing to do. Remember all the pain, the regrets, how he should go to hell. All the good memories, you thought you were the only one. Degrade yourself and cry until you are tired. Then just for fun, take a picture of yourself looking really dumb. Believe me, when you move on completely, you will laugh about this moment.

-TAKE COLD SHOWERS. This is a good therapy but should be done with clear mind and enough stamina. While taking cold showers, think of the anger you feel. That person you want to kill (but don’t). Do this everyday if you could. The cold shower will be coordinated with the thought of that person. Are you willing to take the pain of this practice just to remember him? If yes, the water is not cold enough. But don’t push yourself too hard, you might get pneumonia. A broken heart is more than enough.

WRITE LETTERS, one for him and one for the future you.  

On your letter to him,  say whatever you want to say. The more honest you are, the easier you free yourself. Now its your decision if you will send the letter or keep it (just a source of outlet).

The letter for yourself will require all the honesty from you. Remember, you can say all things to the people around you. They may believe you but you could never fool yourself. Give all the reasons why you won’t get back to that man. As angry as you could be, it doesn’t matter.  Keep this letter in case you feel doubtful.  Read the letter again but only when you are in doubt. Never read it again and again, the power of emotions might lose its magic if too exposed.

I only made the letter to him. That letter is enough for me to realize that getting back is like a big meteor falling on my world. It will never work.

-RE-CONNECT WITH FRIENDS. When a person is involved in a relationship, he/she loses an average of 2 to 3 friends. In my case, I lost my best friend, 1 very honest adviser, 3 of my closest friends, and the trust of all my classmates. Now I am enjoying the freedom to reconnect and make up for the lost times.

ORGANIZE A NEW SCHEDULE. Admit it, while in that relationship, you put so much time as you could. In my case, too much time. My previous schedule was: Mon-sat OUR TIME;  Sunday Family, self, and a little friends time. It was exhausting.

But now, Monday is me time, Tuesday is meeting up with a friend, Wednesday is jogging day, Thursday is family movie time, Friday is Party night, Saturday is friends reunion time, and Sunday is family time. It might be tiring, but in a good way. Not the way where the world revolved to only one person. Pity its a cheating person not worth of all that time.

-KEEP BUSY. An advise that never gets old, and really works. On my first days of being single, I let myself be lonely. Sometimes I tolerate misery so much that I don’t want to let it go. But between work, friends, family, and Facebook friends support, misery and I can’t be together long enough. Its kind of irritating when you can’t be alone to be lonely. If you are weird like me. 😀

-REVENGE? Let us be honest here. C’mon, people. You also thought about that. I thought this too. I will kill him, have him a bad life so he could suffer, throw bombs on his house while he is sleeping. I lay awake on my bed grinning and making evil laughs in my head. It was satisfying to think, but will eat your mind as time pass.

I was too angry and too honest that I asked my mom if she knew any black magic lady or dude so I could send that cheater in hell. I regret those words immediately. Knowing my mom, the saint of forgiveness, I know I’m in for the opposite force. She said:

If he cheated on you, do not take revenge. You are beautiful to be cheated on, he does not see your worth and looked for a lower being. If you want revenge, the greatest revenge is to move on. If you seek otherwise, you will not be at peace and will never move on.

This was the only time I asked for a question and got an advised instead. We live in harmony not minding each others problem and business. If we need help, we ask. This is by far the best advise from my mother. I felt tears roll down my face. I was so angry and my mother did not support me. But I knew she was right.

As a hardheaded daughter, I still plot my revenge. I spent my free time planning on bad things I know I am capable of. But as the days past, I felt two contradicting things. Whenever I think of positive things, like going out with my friends, planning a takeout for the family, I felt like floating, like things are back to normal. But as I plot my revenge, there was a huge imaginary metal ball placed on top of me. I sweat cold, shivers, and I felt dizzy. I lost appetite and was consumed by the other part of me.

That’s when I realized this part is not right. I am hurt, but doing something bad would make me an equal of the person I hate.

I was changed in that relationship, both bad and good. But revenge is like officially telling yourself that he did not just cheat on you, but owned you still.  It will not free you, trust me. Even if your plan works, your conscience will haunt you. And if doesn’t, you will not rest knowing you did not get even.

I have moved on but took lessons like my dear life depended on it. But the most important is to live by the moment. The things you regret are not the wrongs you’ve done, but the right things you should do but did not have the chance.


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