I can’t breathe.
Have you ever been in that situation? The moment you’ve been waiting for a really long time. You’ve been planning for years, practicing what will happen.
And when the opportunity comes, you suddenly don’t know what to do, how to feel. You can’t breathe.
This is that moment. I told myself I will know what I will say, I will come prepared.
But no. I want to run. I want to scream. I want to pause. Cry until I sleep and wake up when I know what I am suppose to feel.
You see, our paths crossed finally. Its funny, really. Of all things, it was on Facebook.
No, not ‘The One’ (but maybe he is reading this). Not any lover.
My brother. My older brother. My half older brother.
We are all aware that me and my siblings were not the only one. We grew up with the truth anyway. My father had a son and daughter before he met and married my mother.
Its epic, like a drama series. Really. My mother, since I was a kid (I’m the eldest) told us we are not alone. My father did not deny it, but did not admit either.
At first I was angry, anger is in my young blood. But when I grew up, I grew curious. I wanted to meet them.
Some days I tell myself that I’ll be mean to them. They are not the real family anyways. But other days I want to imagine all of us sitting in a big table on christmas. Two families but one.
I knew what to feel.
But now I realize I don’t.