Alive


The world goes on without you. That is the truth.

If somebody close to you died, if your heart gets broken, if the fire inside you disappeared – the world would still continue to spin.

So we try to busy ourselves with anything that can make us forget. Work, socializing, games, parties, alcohol drugs – anything at all.

We think this is it. This is life. The fast pace of every 24 hours passing by. This is living.

Worrying what to do tomorrow, plans for the next week, arrangements for the upcoming birthdays, budget for the next vacation and on and on and on.

 

“Have you heard of The Smiths?”, he asked me.

“Never”, I said.

He made a funny face and played one song.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the smell of his aftershave, or maybe the combination of marlboro and soda in the air that made the sudden change in the air.

As I opened my eyes, I felt alive. Not the adrenaline rush of the fast rides nor the tingling sensation of a first touch. No. Not like those. I felt aware.

Unlike most times, my mind wasn’t wandering, not daydreaming, not usually sad of everything I’ve lost, not worrying at all. I. AM. HERE.

Its liberating.

I can see it all – the beat of his fingertips. The lines on his face as he shouts for the chorus. The bed left undone. The sky getting darker. The grey towel on the couch. The half full (or half empty) bottled water oh his table. The goosebumps all around my body as I take it all in.

“They’re good!”, I smiled knowing I discovered something valuable.

I’m alive.

This is living.

I am here.

And I will let my world spin.

 

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