Untitled (Ash Monkey)

She was running, something she always did.

She kept on running up the fire exit steps until she reached the top floor. She didn’t know what she was looking for but she just wanted to escape.

She opened the top floor door and saw the first room opened. She invited herself in, swiftly so no one could see her.

There were people talking in the living room. She decided to barge in the last room at the end of the hall. No matter what’s inside, she would cut in and stay for a while. She was tired of running.

She came in and knelt on the corner to let herself breathe, but tears came flooding in. She sobbed her eyes out not minding the people inside the room.

“What are we supposed to do? My parents will kill me,” one voice said. “This was never part of the plan. What are we gonna do?”.

She forced herself to stop crying and looked around the room. A girl, same as her age, was talking to a boy – who was completely still. She knew that look very well – hopelessness.

She was wrong to think they were talking about her. They didn’t even look her way.

“ANSWER ME!” shouted the girl. The boy only looked at her for a brief moment. The girl started lashing and hurting him.

She stood up and ran to their spot, stood in between the two and pushed the girl away. She held her carefully to the door and whispered, “It’s okay. It’s okay,” until she was calm enough to leave.

The boy didn’t protest, didn’t look at her at all.

She reached for his hand and pulled him to the bed. She laid on her back and pulled him so that his head was on her chest.

He started crying and hugged her arm. She kissed his hair and told him “It’s okay,” over and over until he fell asleep.

It suddenly occurred to her that she stopped crying moments ago. That whatever was chasing her was not important and could wait.

She needed to help this boy.

But most importantly, she needs to stop (doing this to herself. ) Putting someone else’s needs before hers.

Maybe this was the last one.

Or maybe not.



The world goes on without you. That is the truth.

If somebody close to you died, if your heart gets broken, if the fire inside you disappeared – the world would still continue to spin.

So we try to busy ourselves with anything that can make us forget. Work, socializing, games, parties, alcohol drugs – anything at all.

We think this is it. This is life. The fast pace of every 24 hours passing by. This is living.

Worrying what to do tomorrow, plans for the next week, arrangements for the upcoming birthdays, budget for the next vacation and on and on and on.


“Have you heard of The Smiths?”, he asked me.

“Never”, I said.

He made a funny face and played one song.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the smell of his aftershave, or maybe the combination of marlboro and soda in the air that made the sudden change in the air.

As I opened my eyes, I felt alive. Not the adrenaline rush of the fast rides nor the tingling sensation of a first touch. No. Not like those. I felt aware.

Unlike most times, my mind wasn’t wandering, not daydreaming, not usually sad of everything I’ve lost, not worrying at all. I. AM. HERE.

Its liberating.

I can see it all – the beat of his fingertips. The lines on his face as he shouts for the chorus. The bed left undone. The sky getting darker. The grey towel on the couch. The half full (or half empty) bottled water oh his table. The goosebumps all around my body as I take it all in.

“They’re good!”, I smiled knowing I discovered something valuable.

I’m alive.

This is living.

I am here.

And I will let my world spin.


Fear of Memories

She felt afraid experiencing new things. Of remembering certain memories. She’s afraid of being happy now and waking up one day remembering one event that will cause pain in her heart.


Time Travel

I have never been to this place but I knew instantly where this is. I knew I have to find you.

So many boxes, so many things that people forget, so many things that people want to remember.

My vision is crystal clear though it shouldn’t be as this is not exactly real, or maybe it is: what is real?

People are lost with no idea why they’re here, but not me. I know – I felt where this is.

And there you are.

In your white uniform, thinner than I last remembered.

I don’t know how I look, if I look a lot like the me in this time or a lot different. You looked my way and had a sparkle of confusion in your eyes, ah – that answered my question.

“Hi”, I said. I long to kiss you, to rub your head the way you like it, but I don’t want to shock you.

“Hi baby, you look different”, you said reminding me of what lifetime this is.

“I am, I am from the future”. If you were another person, I would have laughed at how silly that is. But I’m with you, and I can’t help but sound sad.

You looked behind me and I turned around. There she is, the past me. Looking straight ahead, oblivious of what’s about to happen. I envy her sometimes.

“You know, we will be together”, I smiled. “Just wait for it, in a few months”, I winked.

You smirked, that smirk you only show me when you think I’m being cute but don’t want to say it. “But what about..”

“She’ll break it up first, don’t worry. In my lifetime we are all happy,” I lied.

The clock boomed so loud its deafening, yet only I can hear. “I have to go”, I touched your face. “And I will make you very happy in a few months”, I smiled as I let out a whimper. I hugged you before you could even see the tears, but you knew.

“I miss you..”, I whispered in your ear. But you’ll hurt me, babe. You’ll hurt me really bad  – is what I wanted to say. But time is ticking and I could only hug you tighter as I disappear.

Time Travel


Modern Pornography

I born in early 90’s when the earthquake happened and that famous disco bar burned down taking a lot of souls with it.

I grew up to cheesy boy bands, mp3 discs and macarena steps until this very moment when you can dance in front of your screen, talk to your phone and poke into people’s private lives through social media.

I’ve witness how people turned from highly social, talking and friendly people to angry, self-centered, google-dependent zombies of today.

This is what I call Modern Pornography era.

Look around you. Companies focused on vanity products, creams and drugs that will make your skin glowing and whiter than ever, in an instant! Applications focused on showing off, filtering your insecurities.

I could not point out the moment when we suddenly switched to this kind of living. Probably because it was gradual.

People thought they were mighty because they hide behind their mobile phones, tablets, computers, and other devices. I am better than the others, you should know where I ate, what I ate, and how my food looks like because I can afford all of these. Oh, you don’t like it? Don’t worry, I will upload more if it after 5 minutes whether you like it or don’t. What will you do? Smash your screens? Internet fight is entertaining for minds that have nothing else to focus on.

Judgments, cyber bullying, and harsh words are now flooding like plagues. What’s worse is the effect travels faster than before.

And when you create an action for your sake, people will play victim. Why did she said that? Why did she unfriend me? Why did she blocked me? She’s so selfish.

I’m tired of these false living. Since when did relying on your app much acceptable than stopping and asking for directions? We have made real human interaction awful and awkward that we could not stand it for too long. We rather send you a message, Snapchat you or FB Messenger you.

Have you ever tried creating a post that you are certain is not nice, will not make you or another’s person’s day and is just a legit rant? You never thought about it hard enough eh? What’s really really important is to let the world know how pissed off you are right now.

Because freedom of speech right? Or maybe you are living a perfect life? Or you’re just a selfish little girl?

Any of this would not matter because you are just a victim or your whole world. And the world must know this, that you are a victim. That you did not do anything wrong and woke up one morning feeling hurt of being left behind.

Living the moment and living temporarily are two different things. We choose what path to live. And I, my friend, choose not to live with all these negativity.


We are in love with the memories.

Its painful to remember sometimes. You thought you’d already forgotten all those things. You thought you buried them deep enough. Then out of nowhere it will come back like a gust of strong wind you never saw coming.

What’s difficult is the battle in your head. It’s like saying “We’ve been through this before. We already closed this one.” But more often than not, your brain will go the opposite way and tell you “No. Just remember”.

It’s these little things that makes it hard to move on. Real life troubles are long buried, long finished, you tell yourself. Then you’ll go to these buried memories, treasure or not, and rather vividly.

Sometimes all it takes is a familiar scent, sometimes a particular taste of the food you are eating, and on the lucky days, even a single word.

Then you’re back to those moments.

Moments we wished to relive over in over again like a parody of Groundhog Day, but more personal.

But you know you can’t go back. Its’ done. And what hurts most is when you want to go back so bad, but its impossible. No alternative way to have it again.

And that sucks.

Being in love with those memories you can’t let go.


Extra Curricular Activities

Extras curricular activity is something most of us take for granted. Because we are young, we are busy, we have other things we should enjoy.

But that’s the thing. You can have all that and more when you pop that doubtful bubble.

Primary school was bland for me. All of my girl classmates joined Girl Scouts of the Philippines (GSP) but I refused. I tried to join the school choir but decided it was not for me.


High School was anothe level. I always loved reading so I joined Book Lover’s Club. To my dismay, all we did was stand by the library, access the computer room, mainly because it was the extension of the library. But I was happy, I have access to all the books, the knowledge. It was fun, but I seem to look for more.

It was junior high when CAT officers visited our classroom looking for recruits. You guessed it, I joined. Through all the torturous physical exercises (because I don’t exercise), psych war (because I always trust everybody), and rumored hazing, I always tell myself that I’ll quit next session, that mt body is giving up.

I kept on saying I will quit until the day I graduated and became an officer myself. I ran out of tie to quit.

I stayed not knowing it until it was through. How time flies when you are having fun. And I had fun, more importantly, I found what I want, adventure.

It was when I finished college that I understood what a great step it was to join that organization. Here are the benefits I gained:

  • Met different kinds of people. I exposed myself to different minds, different approach and different adjustments that I learned in dealing with people.
  • The group is still intact. We meet together few ties a year.
  • Connections, connections, connections. It was founded by brotherhood tested by time. If you need anything, someone will be willing to help, or knows where to find one.
  • Friendship that strengthens over time.
  • of course, having fun.

I continued looking to organizations when I entered university grounds. This time, I had hunger for stories, so I joined the school paper.

I saw many advantages it offers. I wish I had joined more of them when I was younger. But its never too late.

Even in corporate world, there are many existing organization around you. This for example.

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