Comfortable Silence


We do not need words to communicate. You know you meet someone special when you can sit – in our case, lay down -and not mind the silence.

You look at me with those big brown eyes, your head resting on your arm. I look at you lovingly, half of my face buried in the soft pillow. Please stay longer.

I reached for your face, brush your hair, let you close your eyes and feel it, me unblinking. I traced your lips, inhaling your slow breaths. You’re real to me.

You lean closer and kiss my forehead, kissed my cheek, my nose. You reach for my shaking hand and kissed it too. Say you’ll stay.

You reached for my face knowing all too much. A tear comes rolling down and you wiped it away. Don’t be sad, I’m here – is what you’re saying.

You lean in closer, I closed my eyes as our lips touched and the bed becomes lighter. I opened my eyes to see I’m alone again. But you’re not.

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Amongst the Crowd


All things outside my home amuses me, especially the people.

I prefer going out with earphones blasting beats drowning the voices in my head, it keeps me at peace, it keeps me sane.

Every step, oh so careful. Though not looking down, all my senses are alert. My eyes moving around at a rapid pace, you’ll think I’m worried that someone is following me. Yet I am smiling.

I am always curious what other people are thinking – crossing the street, inside the mall, going to and from their every day destination.

Who among you have sinned? Who are thinking such lewd thoughts you are disgusted at yourself yet you can’t help it?

Who are running away? Who are in love? Who are broken?

Who are holding on a thread and fighting for one more day?Who have decided to end his/her life today?

Every so often someone will catch my eye and hold it for a short moment. Oftentimes, they will look away immediately – suddenly conscious of the situation. Awkward.

But there are those moments that someone will linger, stare so strong you could feel it even from the back. You’ll turn around and stare.

Why are you watching me? Are you observing? Are you looking for someone? Are you a spy? Assassin?

Are you reading my mind?

I cocked my head and think of how easy it would be to break your neck. Watch as your sweat rolls down sweetly and imagine my hand tracing it down your face. Look how your lips form a smile and how I would bite it gently, tugging it playfully until you give in.

But no.

I better go.

Amongst the Crowd

Time Travel


I have never been to this place but I knew instantly where this is. I knew I have to find you.

So many boxes, so many things that people forget, so many things that people want to remember.

My vision is crystal clear though it shouldn’t be as this is not exactly real, or maybe it is: what is real?

People are lost with no idea why they’re here, but not me. I know – I felt where this is.

And there you are.

In your white uniform, thinner than I last remembered.

I don’t know how I look, if I look a lot like the me in this time or a lot different. You looked my way and had a sparkle of confusion in your eyes, ah – that answered my question.

“Hi”, I said. I long to kiss you, to rub your head the way you like it, but I don’t want to shock you.

“Hi baby, you look different”, you said reminding me of what lifetime this is.

“I am, I am from the future”. If you were another person, I would have laughed at how silly that is. But I’m with you, and I can’t help but sound sad.

You looked behind me and I turned around. There she is, the past me. Looking straight ahead, oblivious of what’s about to happen. I envy her sometimes.

“You know, we will be together”, I smiled. “Just wait for it, in a few months”, I winked.

You smirked, that smirk you only show me when you think I’m being cute but don’t want to say it. “But what about..”

“She’ll break it up first, don’t worry. In my lifetime we are all happy,” I lied.

The clock boomed so loud its deafening, yet only I can hear. “I have to go”, I touched your face. “And I will make you very happy in a few months”, I smiled as I let out a whimper. I hugged you before you could even see the tears, but you knew.

“I miss you..”, I whispered in your ear. But you’ll hurt me, babe. You’ll hurt me really bad  – is what I wanted to say. But time is ticking and I could only hug you tighter as I disappear.

Time Travel

 

Before I Go…


If you’re reading this, I made it through, I made it alive.

I am writing this on a swaying ship that was supposed to leave Abra de ilog (Mindoro Oriental) at 10pm, but left a little before midnight.

These are my thoughts as the large waves crashes to our ship, as everyone resorted to sleeping or pretending to sleep.

One baby started crying before we left the dock, I even said, “Oh baby, why are you crying? Don’t cry”. Not knowing a little while after, it might be an omen. I belive in those things. How could I not, the vehicle stopped and would not start seconds before my pet passed away while we rush her to the hospital. Now I’m screaming in my head, “please no, no” as the waves grow crazier. My ponytail broke.

I remember we were so pissed that the ship left at this time, we won’t have enough sleep to go to work as the sun rises. Now I’m worried if I will ever see the sun again.

A lady went down the ground floor where the vehicles were (were at the second level) and shrieked repeatedly. I could not understand what she was trying to say, but her repeated screams sent shivers to everyone. I grabbed my seatmate, a girl I only met 4 days ago as my close friend invited me to join their travel group. as she was the only one I could hang on to, she said it’s okay and held my hand as she goes to sleep, me pinching her everytime the ship makes a sound.

With everyone asleep, I resorted to think of something that will make me feel safer. I put on my headset and shuffle the songs, not caring if its My Chemical Romance, Maroon 5, or even Taylor Swift. Just something to take my mind off the sounds, the rattling windows, all the sleeping people. Why are they not afraid? Why did they decide to go to freaking sleep??

I grabbed my handbag, pulled my social security ID and secured it in my back pocket. Timing is a bitch, I’ll start my swimming lessons next month, there’s no life vest in sight. Might as well be recognized once my body floats.

Another bump. I don’t understand why ships encounter bumps, there are no humps here. For the many times I travelled across the many islands of the Philippines, this is the only trip I encountered bumps.

Please, God.

I do not plan to sleep once we made it home. I’m not sure if I will have sleep on the folloeing nights as well. I’m afraid of the future, what if I develop a phobia of something I like? I know I won’t even remember the exact events, but its the feelings that are hard to forget. I hope everytime I stepped in a ship, I won’t feel paranoid. I wish my future self will be much stronger.

But what I wish greatly is I to still have a future. The ship is rocking side to side now. I keep pulling my hair, tying it with another rubber band, and pulling it again. Signal is okay but I don’t want to tell my family, I don’t want to say goodbye.

I still hope I’ll make it. Even if the odds are saying otherwise.

The ocean is so majestic, it also is a beast ready to take anyone anytime.

If you’re reading this, I made it through. I made it alive.

 

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I Don’t Want the D


No, not that D.

D as in depression.

It feeds every one. Rich or poor, adult or teen. Even the happiest person you see. It picks anyone it can.

Unlike most people, it does not feel like another person is inside you wanting to go out, No.

It feels like nothing is inside you anymore.

You can’t feel anything, can’t be excited about anything. You once cared so much, but now, you just don’t give the slightest damn about anything.

The things that made you feel happy, things that make you excited, things that you crave, all of these things don’t have an impact with you anymore. They are just things meant for other people. The ones that don’t understand there is no point to it all.

Hours go by like a torture, you just want it all to stop. You can’t take the feeling of not feeling at all.

I don’t want this D.

But it found me and it won’t go away.

I often find myself staring at the blue-green veins on my wrist. Tracing it carefully, pinning the thickest one with my fingers and taking in a deep breath.

I never wanted this D.

I tried to sleep it off. Taking sleeping pills by pairs, then more and more everyday. No matter how many I take, I still wake up.

I never wanted this D.

I just want it to end.

Depression

Blue is Safe


The moon was nowhere to be found.

I met two incredible people in this new town. They held my hand, one on each side, as we walk through the poorly lit road of this town.

“I am so happy! Wait until you meet my friends!”, I tell them with glee.

“Shhh”, said the one on my left. He seemed afraid but smiled quickly.

“I’m sorry. Am I loud?”, I asked looking sideways. I could not see a single person that would be bothered anyways.

They exchanged looks and pulled me faster to an area with bright light.

Waiting there were my friends who seemed to be looking for a phone signal. I approached one and was about to ask what happened when another friend of ours looked distress and walked past us.

“What’s happening?”, I shouted.

“Uhm.. You just stay there!”, she shouted. I can feel fear in her voice.

“B-but..”, I could not finish my sentence. Suddenly there was a man in black shirt beside her holding her arm to make her still. Then two policemen behind us came from nowhere and held her other arm. Another man in blue appeared in front of her so she could not pass.

“Where did all of these people come from?”, I remember thinking.

Next thing I know was a hooded man running towards her.

She turned around facing the man.

She was about to scream when he pulled out his knife and stabbed her stomach.

STAB STAB STAB 

We were shocked.

STAB STAB STAB

Everything went silent as he continues to pull and push that blade inside her.

STAB STAB STAB

I felt my knees weak and I could not speak

I looked up to my other friend. I thought I was shouting “WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?”, but I could not hear my voice. My lips are open wide.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, “Let’s go!”, she screamed and we bolted.

STAB STAB STAB

I could still hear it. Please make it stop.

STAB STAB STAB 

We ran with no destination in mind. We avoided every street with people in it. We do not know who to trust.

Every corner I see a policeman in his blue uniform. But blue is supposed to be safe.

STAB STAB STAB

“What?”, my friend shouted.

We stopped on our tracks along with my other friends.

I heard a voice murmuring. Blue is safe. Blue is safe. 

“What did you say?”, my friend beside me.

“Blue is safe. Blue is safe”, it was my voice. I could still hear it. How can I still hear it?

STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB 

I covered my ears with my hands. Please make it stop. Please make it stop!

“Stop it! Stay with us! We’re far away! We can escape this town!”, she said shaking my shoulders.

“BLUE IS SAFE! BLUE IS SAFE!”, I was trashing around. STAB STAB STAB 

Please make the horrible stabbing stop. Please…

blue

Missing


I don’t care about anything – the society, the government, my neighbors, anything – basically, I don’t give a dime. If they don’t bother me, I won’t mind their business, everyone is happy. That’s my motto in life.

But my curiosity was piqued  while I was on my way home. I saw this missing person poster on one of the concrete post near my block. I ignored it at first but after some weeks, I could not. You see, there had been additional faces every time I pass that post.

Last week, I stopped on my tracks and looked closely. 2 or 3 more posters and they will have trouble finding a space if this goes out of hand.

missing

I never bothered to watch the news, I know what they would report anyways. Kidnappers in white van, black market selling your internal organs, people going to bars and taking in date rape drugs, cabs with sleeping fumes, even aliens – just to say they have a close on the case. And this works every time. Pity.

I turned my heel when something white caught the corner of my eye. Standing across the street is a man, probably in his thirties, in a white shirt, faded jeans, and sunglasses. Dude, it’s getting dark. Do you have sore eyes or something? I smirked as I observed him. He’s not moving at all. Looks like he is just staring straight ahead.

Weirdo.

That’s when all the hairs on my skin stood up. I had a sudden feeling of extreme terror. Like I wanted to hide. I can feel his cold stare beyond that sunglasses.

I ran fast and never looked back.

That was last week. And since that day, I pretend to not see him. I avoided looking at the post and just continued walking with my head bowed everyday.

But yesterday, I could not help it. I stood frozen looking at the hundreds of faces staring back at me. The posters were overlapping each other, no spaces could be seen. They even consumed the spaces at the very top where you could no longer read or recognize the face, down to the very bottom where the papers are torn due to mud and dust.

What the hell is happening? Why isn’t anyone doing anything about this? No police care patrolling around, no guidelines in our office of safety. Damn, did they stopped trying?

I turned around and I felt cold instantly.

The man was no longer across the street. He was standing right behind me this whole time. And he was smiling. That smile as if he is controlling it not to be a grin.

“Uhmm. I’m sorry..”, I stepped aside and ran home. Freakin’ weirdo.

I forgot about that incident when I saw him again today. He was standing in front of the concrete post facing my direction still smiling. God! Don’t you have work or family instead of creeping people out?

I guess I don’t have a choice, I have to pass this way if I want to go home.

I bowed down and prayed that he will not stop me.

“HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MISSING FACES?”, what the–

“Excuse me?”, wow. Not only are you creepy, you are rude!

“THE MISSING PERSON POSTS. YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM”, he smiled as if his shouting is the normal way to communicate.

“Does that matter?”, I answered back.

“It does now..”, he said whispering. The smile turning into a grin.

Then everything went black.

The next time you past by any concrete post with a “Missing Person” poster, do not pay any attention to it. Your curiosity will lead you to harm.

In case you can’t hold that urge back, please feel free to observe. In a matter of weeks, you will see me. And I shall tell you the answer.

Creepy

🙂

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