Amongst the Crowd

All things outside my home amuses me, especially the people.

I prefer going out with earphones blasting beats drowning the voices in my head, it keeps me at peace, it keeps me sane.

Every step, oh so careful. Though not looking down, all my senses are alert. My eyes moving around at a rapid pace, you’ll think I’m worried that someone is following me. Yet I am smiling.

I am always curious what other people are thinking – crossing the street, inside the mall, going to and from their every day destination.

Who among you have sinned? Who are thinking such lewd thoughts you are disgusted at yourself yet you can’t help it?

Who are running away? Who are in love? Who are broken?

Who are holding on a thread and fighting for one more day?Who have decided to end his/her life today?

Every so often someone will catch my eye and hold it for a short moment. Oftentimes, they will look away immediately – suddenly conscious of the situation. Awkward.

But there are those moments that someone will linger, stare so strong you could feel it even from the back. You’ll turn around and stare.

Why are you watching me? Are you observing? Are you looking for someone? Are you a spy? Assassin?

Are you reading my mind?

I cocked my head and think of how easy it would be to break your neck. Watch as your sweat rolls down sweetly and imagine my hand tracing it down your face. Look how your lips form a smile and how I would bite it gently, tugging it playfully until you give in.

But no.

I better go.

Amongst the Crowd


Lost Nightmare

Everybody looks amazing in their cocktail dress and suites. Everybody is outside. Everybody is hiding from the rain.

The rain.

The rain looks haunting from the black sky.

Among the crowd with my umbrella, why am I alone? Where is he? He’s always with me.

I don’t like it here. Especially when I’m alone. Especially when I’m not with him. And especially when its raining.

I sat among the crowded stairs. And I saw him.

Him with her.

Her, the girl we both hate for breaking our hearts.

Our hearts. My heart. He is breaking my heart for being with her.

The rain.

The rain falling like my tears.

I close my eyes. This is my nightmare.

Touch. I opened my eyes and he is touching me. He looked hurt to see me crying.

He dragged me away. Away from the crowd. Away from her. Hugging me through the rain that I don’t anymore.

A church. A white church.

Falling leaves in the afternoon.

Same people. Same clothes.

We enter the crowded church. Loud music everywhere. Was that Gothic? Was that Rock?

I knelled and pray. Can’t concentrate. Everybody chatting. Everybody waiting.

Waiting for what?

I don’t like it here.

He holds my hand and went outside.

Everybody is looking. Looking at us waiting. Waiting for what?

Please, lets run.





I lay awake.

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