Amongst the Crowd

All things outside my home amuses me, especially the people.

I prefer going out with earphones blasting beats drowning the voices in my head, it keeps me at peace, it keeps me sane.

Every step, oh so careful. Though not looking down, all my senses are alert. My eyes moving around at a rapid pace, you’ll think I’m worried that someone is following me. Yet I am smiling.

I am always curious what other people are thinking – crossing the street, inside the mall, going to and from their every day destination.

Who among you have sinned? Who are thinking such lewd thoughts you are disgusted at yourself yet you can’t help it?

Who are running away? Who are in love? Who are broken?

Who are holding on a thread and fighting for one more day?Who have decided to end his/her life today?

Every so often someone will catch my eye and hold it for a short moment. Oftentimes, they will look away immediately – suddenly conscious of the situation. Awkward.

But there are those moments that someone will linger, stare so strong you could feel it even from the back. You’ll turn around and stare.

Why are you watching me? Are you observing? Are you looking for someone? Are you a spy? Assassin?

Are you reading my mind?

I cocked my head and think of how easy it would be to break your neck. Watch as your sweat rolls down sweetly and imagine my hand tracing it down your face. Look how your lips form a smile and how I would bite it gently, tugging it playfully until you give in.

But no.

I better go.

Amongst the Crowd


When Life Gives You Lemons…

August, the year is halfway through. It has been a tough one for most of us, being the year of the snake and everything, it has its ups and downs.

I had experienced and proven a lot of what the horoscope has predicted for me. I don’t really purely believe in those things, maybe a way to compare ideas and be wary of things. But as what it has predicted, sickness, lost of love, great sacrifices and a hundred hardships for Sheep like me has come and go.

Yet, comparing of yourself then and now will show you how much these experiences will mold you.

You may not be suicidal this time. You may not need other people to cry to because you realize there are much more important stuffs to really shed a tear for. You don’t need to eat tons of ice cream and chocolates when you’re depressed, maybe because you just lost your sweet tooth. Things like that.

You know what’s interesting? When you accept your defeat and carry on with a blank state, yet, life will make a way to make you live again.

It will be a month since my partner resigned and I am working a two-man job since. I felt very stressed at work, and of course some other problems occur. I feel like zombie everyday and sleep is my only escape.

Then, life keeps my dreams interesting… 🙂

Its been days now that I’m having very sensual dreams. By sensual I mean I got physical invitations from weird people, e.g., my college professor, my ex, my other ex, a guy I don’t know, a vampire leader, a soldier general, and all other things.

Now I wake up feeling amused (weird dream!), surprised ( it was just a dream!), and disappointed ( heck, I should have said yes!) at the same time.

It might be a very simple thing for most people but dreams had been great deal to me. I have proven that there are signs and messages it wants to point out in your real life that no books or dream interpreter could translate.

It was like God’s way of saying, “Get the rest you need but you have to come back anyways..”

Its like life giving you lemons, though you don’t have any idea what to do with it (it should have given you a banana or strawberry), but it will also give you a way to make a lemonade.

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