Happiness and The Lost Puppy


Happiness walked happily, despite the Genie’s absence – the only person that could make her happy.

 

“Everyone is relying on my happiness,” Happiness thought. “I should not be sad”, even if her heart is shattering.

 

A tiny bark could be heard once in a while but Happiness thought nothing of it. Now that she thinks about it, the tiny barks has been there even since the Genie was still around.

 

Happiness looked around, something Happiness never did before. Behind her, wagging its tail, is a little white puppy.

 

“Hello?”, Happiness waved. “Have you been following me?”

 

The little puppy happily wagged its tail with much gusto. Unlike the other beings Happiness met, this one is different. Her heart skipped a beat.

 

“You’re not tagging along anymore. You have to leave me too”, Happiness whispered.

 

The little white puppy whimpered and walked towards Happiness. Happiness sat down and hugged him.

 

“Its okay, I’m used to it. I hope you can find your way back”, Happiness smiled with tears streaming down her face.

 

The little white puppy licked her face that made Happiness giggled. “I will be okay”, she said.

 

Happiness hugged the little white puppy until he disappeared. Happiness stayed this way for a moment, her mind and her heart heavy.

 

After a while, Happiness stood up and walked happily.

 

“Everyone is relying on my happiness,” Happiness thought. “I should not be sad”, even if her heart is shattering.

I Don’t Want the D


No, not that D.

D as in depression.

It feeds every one. Rich or poor, adult or teen. Even the happiest person you see. It picks anyone it can.

Unlike most people, it does not feel like another person is inside you wanting to go out, No.

It feels like nothing is inside you anymore.

You can’t feel anything, can’t be excited about anything. You once cared so much, but now, you just don’t give the slightest damn about anything.

The things that made you feel happy, things that make you excited, things that you crave, all of these things don’t have an impact with you anymore. They are just things meant for other people. The ones that don’t understand there is no point to it all.

Hours go by like a torture, you just want it all to stop. You can’t take the feeling of not feeling at all.

I don’t want this D.

But it found me and it won’t go away.

I often find myself staring at the blue-green veins on my wrist. Tracing it carefully, pinning the thickest one with my fingers and taking in a deep breath.

I never wanted this D.

I tried to sleep it off. Taking sleeping pills by pairs, then more and more everyday. No matter how many I take, I still wake up.

I never wanted this D.

I just want it to end.

Depression

No Sense


Have you ever experience a weird dream that no matter how hard you think about it, it won’t make sense? And then comes a day when poof!, you suddenly realized the whole meaning.

If your answer is no, neither did I. Haha!

But I have experience something close to that.

 

 

* * * * * *

I was 16 or 17 when I had this dream. I had a newborn child, it was a very handsome baby boy. I was very happy staring at the little angel sleeping in his crib.

It was only a moment when I had to pee at a public restroom (I don’t know why). Then I saw this white man inside the bathroom, wearing a black bonnet and sunglasses carrying a baby. (How weird is that?)

I came back to our room and my baby was gone. I looked everywhere until I saw the main in bonnet. He recognized me and ran fast. I tried to catch him but I failed.

I cried and cried. Ran hard until I fell off a bridge. I thought I would die but it seemed like I got inside a bottle floating across the river.

* * * * *

Now that was 6 to 7 years ago. What really freaked me out is when I had this dream again, exact details. And guess what? I think I met the man who stole my dream child. Freaky!

Aside

Lost Nightmare


Everybody looks amazing in their cocktail dress and suites. Everybody is outside. Everybody is hiding from the rain.

The rain.

The rain looks haunting from the black sky.

Among the crowd with my umbrella, why am I alone? Where is he? He’s always with me.

I don’t like it here. Especially when I’m alone. Especially when I’m not with him. And especially when its raining.

I sat among the crowded stairs. And I saw him.

Him with her.

Her, the girl we both hate for breaking our hearts.

Our hearts. My heart. He is breaking my heart for being with her.

The rain.

The rain falling like my tears.

I close my eyes. This is my nightmare.

Touch. I opened my eyes and he is touching me. He looked hurt to see me crying.

He dragged me away. Away from the crowd. Away from her. Hugging me through the rain that I don’t anymore.

A church. A white church.

Falling leaves in the afternoon.

Same people. Same clothes.

We enter the crowded church. Loud music everywhere. Was that Gothic? Was that Rock?

I knelled and pray. Can’t concentrate. Everybody chatting. Everybody waiting.

Waiting for what?

I don’t like it here.

He holds my hand and went outside.

Everybody is looking. Looking at us waiting. Waiting for what?

Please, lets run.

.

.

.

.

I lay awake.

DiStAnT mEmOrIeS…♥


There are moments in life that we thought are buried. But at some point, someday, such memories will be remembered and you’ll see yourself smiling.

For they are not lost. Only forgotten.

I thought my life was boring until I remembered things of my childhood years that made my heart leap.

When I was a kid, we were a lot wealthier, but not fancy rich. We even had “Yaya’s” or nanny. The 1st one was a teenager whom my brother and I always tease. We would run and she’d chase us until she’s tired and we’ll tease her even more. Then she’ll cry. She always cry. And we enjoyed every bit of those tears.

I may sound evil but hey, I was a kid! 🙂

Our second nanny was older, waayyy older. Even older than my parents. She’s quiet and we don’t fool around her ’cause she’s old. I even thought we were taking care of her instead of the opposite.

I can’t remember how they stopped working. I don’t even remember why we need yaya in the first place. But after they’re gone, I had more fun.

When I was a kid, we had a 2-storey house. Yes, we also have that same structure now but unlike this one, before was much …. interesting. Though the first one is smaller, it felt a lot like home, a haven.

I considered it luck that our neighbors can’t afford to up-size their one-storey houses. (See how evil I was?!) So whenever I’m alone (I always had lots of alone time, until now), I’ll go out of our house, through the window located on our second floor. My weight didn’t matter ’cause I’m a kid, neighbors wouldn’t know I’m walking on their roof  (or they’ll think its just a cat). Then I would pick a nice place on that roof, dust it off and lie down staring at the blue sky and those fluffy clouds. My mind wandering and sometimes my eyes closed and lips smiling. I was at peace and very happy.

Sometimes, it would rain. Other times, my mom would call me from downstairs. Either of the 2, I would rush back in. My mom always think I’m sleeping or singing with myself, or telling stories with myself. (Yup, I always do that before. Of course I stopped, I would look stupid. But as they say, old habits are hard to break. So yeah, I still do that. Hehe.)

There was an open area maybe 4o meters from our house. (You have to walk through a narrow passage before reaching our house). From that area, you may see me one of those afternoon going down our window. Then, maybe not. Because that area is reserved for kids.

I had lots of fun when I was a kid. I had playmates, frenemies, enemies, and new friends. But as I look back, all of these kids have outgrown me. Some older than me, some younger, but they see life earlier than what I would be. They all have their own families.  And here I am, on work, blogging the time away. Smiling to what used to be. Wondering of what would be..

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